Holiday weight-loss motivation, NFL style: $470 per pound, twice a week

In my time as a student, employee and human, I’ve done the following:

(i) Gained a few pounds.
(ii) Been late for a meeting.
(iii) Lied about how I was feeling (“no really, I’m fine”).
(iv) Spilled coffee on my laptop.
(v) Kicked a football on the school roof.
(vi-vii) Skipped many kinds of “orientation” events.
(viii) Been late for dinner.
(ix) Left work to buy a sandwich without telling anyone.
(x) Not taken all my antibiotics. Actually, that’s a lie — I always take all my antibiotics. Help stop the spread of superbugs!
(xi) Missed my bus.
(xii) Lost my textbook.

Here’s what those infractions would have cost me if I played in the NFL.

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